Coping

Triggers

Reflecting & responding

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

"Triggers" in relationships are things people say or do that can make us feel upset or angry. These triggers are like emotional buttons that others might press without meaning to.

Thinking about why certain things upset us can help us understand ourselves better. Instead of reacting with anger right away, we can learn to stay calm and talk about the problem in a respectful way.

Taking a pause or a moment to think before we speak or act can stop fights before they start. This helps us have better conversations and understand each other more, making relationships healthier.

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Your Toolbox

Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023

Relational Building Plan:

I feel triggered by my family members when they:

My triggers manifest as:

When I feel triggered by my family members, I have the power to:

I have the power to regulate my emotions by:

It's possible my family members might not respect my boundaries: if this happens, I can remember my choices:

Risks involved with having boundaries with my family member:

Positives with having boundaries with my family member:

To have peace in my life , I have to be willing to accept that:

Acceptance of this will allow me to:

You may decide to cut ties with your parents, spouse, caregivers, or someone else in the family.

Create an emotional wellness plan by answering the prompts below:

I will get support from

-A therapist

-Group therapy

-A friend / family member

-All the above

When I feel guilt or shame for my decision, I will remind myself that:

When I forget why, I will remind myself that I cut ties with my family member because:

People I am not tied to by blood but I consider family:

I will practice mindfulness by:

Journaling

Meditation/ breathwork

Engaging my five sense

Podcast & Youtube Links

How to identify and overcome trauma triggers https://psychcentral.com/health/trauma-triggers

How to stop getting triggered

Author's Opinion

Book: Happy Life Happy Mind - Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

Just as our muscles grow when they experience regular resistance, so our Core Happiness becomes stronger when we press up against other people.

But this can only happen when we tackle social tension in a very specific way.

This means seeking out friction and using them as a way to examine ourselves.

If someone says something that makes me react badly, I have two choices.

I can get frustrated, worked up, and make myself a victim.

I can tell myself a different story that the other person was rude, out of order or should not have behaved in this manner.

If they had acted differently, my world would be much better. This is how most people react.

But there is an alternative - you can make a choice to use friction as a teacher by asking yourself, “Why is this comment triggering me? What is inside me that is causing me to react in this way?”

If you’re truly secure and happy, the things other people say won't bother you.

If you’re regularly analyzing all the criticism you get, in a calm way, then criticism that is fair won't have the power to knock you off your feet.

The same is true for praise.

It will possibly just cause you to reflect and perhaps modify your opinion or actions.

When you become dependent on other people interacting with you in a certain way, you make yourself their prisoner.

Seeking out friction allows you to become master of your own happiness.

You become less reactive and more content in yourself.

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

Related Topics

Anger management

Criticism

Abuse / hurting

Happiness

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