Feelings & emotions 1

Regret

Different choices

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Regret is a feeling we get when we wish we had made different choices in the past.

Regret is a very real reaction to a disappointing event in your life, a choice you made that can't be changed, something you said that you can't take back.

It's one of those feelings you can't seem to shake, a heavy and intrusive negative emotion that can last for minutes, days, years or even a lifetime

By recognizing our regrets, we can learn and grow from our mistakes.

Regret can motivate us to make better decisions and even improve our mental well-being.

Regret could be the desire to make amends and set things right.

This can often be a significant period of life transition under varying life circumstances.

Regrets regarding such topics as career or retirement, relocation or bereavement, terminal illness prognosis or end of life matters can add more complexity and new challenges.

Your Toolbox 1

How to get rid of regret?

Let yourself feel regret, without avoiding or wallowing in it. ...

If your behaviour caused harm, try to make amends. ...

Learn to forgive yourself. ...

Reframe your experience of regret. ...

Write about and share your regret. ...

Use regret to clarify what you value

What is the best answer for biggest regret?

One approach is to focus on the lessons learned and how you've grown from the experience. Emphasize the actions you've taken to overcome challenges and improve yourself.

Additionally, you can discuss how the regret has motivated you to make better decisions in the future and how it has shaped your character and values.

Your Toolbox 2

Book: The power of regret - Daniel H Pink

Doing regret right

So if we're not living a life without regrets, but instead maximizing our regrets to live a fuller, more flourishing life, how do we actually do that?

Look inward:

Reframe how we think about our regrets. We speak to ourselves more cruelly than we'd speak to anyone else. Practice self-compassion.

Look outward:

Practice disclosure. Sharing your emotions is a form of unburdening. We can make sense of regret through talking or writing.

Move forward:

Extract a lesson from your regret. You need to create distance to help yourself process.

Instead of the all-too-familiar notion of living a life with no regrets, what if we embraced them?

What if we used the past as a guide for better living?

Podcast & Youtube Links

The power of regret; How looking backward moves us forwartd - Daniel H Pink

https://www.npr.org/2022/03/16/1087010308/the-power-of-regret-how-examining-regret-can-help-you-live-a-meaningful-life

PeaceBuilders Opinion 1

Living a life of reflection and self discovery

Learning to be curious and make amends where possible.

Life happens to all of us, all the time

We cannot always “fix” life stuff that gets broken or damaged

It is not always possible to forget the past as we all get scarred by the journey of life.

**It is however possible to make different choices in how we make amends and respond to the challenges of life. **

We can choose to remain the victim of our story or we can choose to move forward with new possibilities and opportunities.

It is easy to do nothing, however it can be so rewarding to just dig deep and make a few incremental changes that over time becomes life transforming.

Most of us have past regrets and that is human.

Let us learn from that and make amends so we can move forward.

Life can be a fulfilling and meaningful journey.

From time to time in our lives, we all experience difficulties.

Let us live a life of curiosity and reflection so we have as little regret as possible.

Author's Opinion 1

Extracts from book: The power of Regret - Daniel H Pink

Scientists have even broken our regret into four categories:

Foundation regrets:

These are the regrets from "not doing the work." Not laying the foundation for a more stable, less precarious life.

Things like, not saving money for retirement. Not getting a certain degree, not exercising and not eating right to take good care of your body.

A lot of finance- and health-related regrets are in this category

Moral regrets:

“If only I had done the right thing”. Regrets in which you had a choice and still did the wrong thing or nothing at all.

Not stepping up and getting involved in a situation, or being a bully, or even just being unkind.

Connection regrets:

“If only I'd reached out”. These regrets are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond.

These regrets often come about when people drift apart, but neither tries to connect for fear it's awkward.

These regrets happen when you neglect the people who matter to you and who help establish your sense of wholeness.

These regrets can either be “open door”—you can still do something about it—or “closed door,” in which the circumstances are impossible to change.

If it’s a closed-door regret, do better next time. If it’s an open door regret, do something now.

Boldness regrets:

Over time, humans are much more likely to regret inaction—the chances they didn’t take.

Those opportunities to start a business, chase a true love, or something less grand, like learning a new language or how to play an instrument.

They leave you thinking, “If only I had taken that chance.” Inaction regrets often outnumbered action regrets by two to one.

For whatever reason, you chose to play it safe.

Interestingly the human need for:

growth is linked to boldness regrets

goodness is linked to moral regrets

stability is linked to foundation regrets

love is linked to connection regrets

*However there are only two types of regret:

Regret that can be fixed.

Regret that can't be fixed

**"There's a reason we experience negative emotions. **

They're useful if we treat them right. Regret, you don't want to wallow in it. You don't want to ruminate over it.

But if you think of it as a signal, as information, as a knock at the door, it is a powerfully transformative emotion."

Looking backward can point us to a fuller, more meaningful life.

So what are we doing with our regrets?

Author's Opinion 2

Quote from palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware (2018) about the most common regrets she had heard expressed by those nearing death, which included:

"I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

"I wish I hadn’t worked so hard."

"I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings."

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

"I wish that I had let myself be happier

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Updated: November 2023

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