Taking Action

Motivation

Setting goals

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

Goals are specific objectives that identify what you want to achieve and measure your results.

Goals provide direction and improve your motivation for self-improvement.

Goals are crucial elements in any good plan.

Monitoring how you are doing - if you are on schedule for example - will help you stay focused.

Making clear, realistic goals will help you chart your own course.

Your Toolbox 1

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

*an adaptation of the “Aftermath of a Fight" process from The Gottman Institute *

Introduction:

This guide helps you talk about past fights or emotional hurts without getting upset again.

"Processing" means discussing the event calmly, as if watching it from a distance.

Aim for a calm conversation with emotional distance from the incident.

Before You Begin:

The goal is to understand each other's views, not to reignite the fight.

Only talk when both of you are calm.

Recognize that each person's perspective is valid—there are no absolute facts, just two subjective realities.

This guide aims to help you understand these perspectives and improve future interactions.

Communication Barriers and Their Solutions:

Criticism: Start conversations gently.

Defensiveness: Take responsibility for your actions.

Contempt: Build a culture of appreciation.

Stonewalling: Practice psychological self-soothing to stay calm.

Your Toolbox 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

How to Improve Emotional Intelligence:

Practice Empathy:

Try to understand and accept the other person’s perspective without judgment.

Ask yourself, “What would I feel like in their situation?”

Show Humility:

Focus on the other person, not yourself.

Practice humility by asking, “How can I make this less about me?”

Self-Evaluate and Manage Emotions:

Learn to manage anger and respond calmly.

Control your emotions and avoid reacting impulsively.

Ask yourself, “What can I do to handle anger better and avoid blaming others?”

Take Responsibility:

Acknowledge and apologize for any hurtful actions.

Ask yourself, “How can I make amends if I’ve hurt someone?”

Consider Impact on Others:

Think about how your actions and words affect others.

Avoid seeking power or winning at the expense of others.

Ask yourself, “How will my behavior impact my partner, and how can I be more compassionate?”

Reflect on Your Relationship:

Consider what it’s like to be in a relationship with you.

Podcast & Youtube Links

The science of getting motivated

How to love your work

Author's Opinion 1

*Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 - On Motivation *

6. Understanding motivation - Motivation Topic

Summary:

Motivation is not something you are born with.

The feeling that you are energized and want to do something cannot always be relied upon to be there.

Mastering motivation is building the capacity to do what matters most to you, even when a part of you does not feel like it.

Procrastination is often avoidance of stress or discomfort.

Anhedonia is when we no longer get a sense of pleasure from activities that we used to enjoy.

This is often associated with low mood and depression.

If something matters to you and could benefit your health, don't wait until you dont feel like it - do it anyway.

7. How to nurture that motivation feeling Go To: Author Opinion - Shame Topic

Extract from book: How to live when you could be dead by Deborah James 2022

Quote: Andrew Carnegie

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes

-Hungry for experience and living life to the full. -Having structure in life. -Find a fresh sense of purpose and new goals. -Finding the thing in my life that would motivate me alongside what I get from my family. -It became apparent that it was sharing my story. -Having purpose will help you choose your goals, which in turn can function to reinforce the things that are most important to you and help define who you are, adding meaning to your life. -This is why it is important to set goals that mean something to you, as well as ones that you actually have a chance of achieving. -My goals provide me with a roadmap through the hard times, helping me to move forward, and they play a significant role in defining my values and beliefs and investing my life with meaning. -Goals also make you accountable, mostly to yourself. -Goal setting is pointless if the goals we’ve picked dont drive us in a direction we dont wish to travel or if they don't drive us at all.

Goals:

-How important is this goal to you? -How confident are you about accomplishing the goal? -How consistent is this goal with your values and beliefs? -What are the micro-goals and what are the big goals that they are taking you towards? -Reinforce your intention with actions that will help make things happen.

SMART criteria:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely

Goals should feel like something positive that you are excited to work towards.

Get urgent and get moving.

-How are you going to get there? -What steps will you take along the way? -How are you going to make time to dedicate to them?

Goals should:

Enlighten: reveal your strengths and weaknesses, show you what you want to achieve and help you prioritize Encourage: provide you with motivation, boost your confidence and give you courage to execute your plans. Enable: help you to build skills, enhance your efficiency and assist you in implementing your plans.

Author's Opinion 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Emotional Intelligence Growth: Moving Forward:

- Apathy:

Not caring or showing interest in others' feelings.

- Sympathy:

Feeling pity or sorrow for someone else's problems.

Recognizing that someone is in pain.

- Empathy:

Trying to feel and understand what someone else is experiencing.

Putting yourself in their shoes.

- Compassion:

Wanting to help relieve someone else's suffering.

Taking action to help someone in pain.

Difference Between Empathy and Compassion:

Empathy alone can make you feel stuck or unsure of how to help.

Compassion involves taking steps to actually help, which is better for both the other person and yourself.

Attributes of Healthy Compassion:

Perspective Taking:

Seeing the world as others see it.

Understanding different viewpoints by acknowledging your own perspective and trying to see things from others' perspectives.

Non-judgmental:

Avoid judging others.

Women often feel judged on appearance or motherhood.

Men often judge each other on financial success, intelligence, or physical strength.

Understanding Others' Feelings:

Convey that you understand their feelings and perspectives.

Fully listen and engage, even if you don't always get it right.

Taking Action:

Show that you care by taking steps to help alleviate others' pain and suffering.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Emotional Intelligence (EI):

Self-awareness

Self-regulation

Motivation

Empathy

Social skills

Emotional Intelligence Overview:

EI means understanding your own actions and feelings and how they affect others.

It involves valuing and listening to others, and being able to empathize with them.

While regular intelligence is important, EI is crucial for good relationships and achieving your goals.

Five Elements of Emotional Intelligence:

- Self-awareness:

Being aware of your emotions and not letting them control you.

Confidence in yourself and your intuition.

Understanding your strengths and weaknesses and working on them.

- Self-regulation:

Controlling your emotions and impulses.

Avoiding anger, jealousy, and impulsive decisions.

Being thoughtful, adaptable, and having integrity.

Ability to say "No."

- Motivation:

Being driven to achieve long-term goals over immediate results.

Highly productive, loving challenges, and effective in tasks.

Managing your behavior to achieve your goals.

- Empathy:

Understanding and identifying with others' wants, needs, and viewpoints.

Recognizing others' feelings even when they're not obvious.

Excellent at managing relationships and listening.

Avoiding stereotypes and judgments, and living openly and honestly.

- Social skills:

Being easy to talk to and well-liked.

Being a team player who helps others succeed.

Managing disputes, communicating well, and building strong relationships.

Book Reference:

Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (1995)

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Updated: November 2023

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