Development
Listening
Hearing & caring
Listening is about talking or confiding in someone about things that interest, matter or important to you.
It is about feeling connected.
Feeling heard, feeling acknowledged for who you are, a human being with needs, wants and opinions.
This is often called, to be validated, and a process of caring from the heart. A genuine depth of gratitude, empathy and compassion for yourself and for others.
To give and receive from each other words that are kind, respectful, non judgemental.
Words that lift each other up and bring lightness and happiness into your life, even though life circumstances or events might be challenging.
Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024
Key Points: AI Summary
12 Good Reasons NOT to Listen
Truth: Believing you're right and the other person is wrong.
Blame: Thinking everything is the other person’s fault.
Defensiveness: Feeling the need to defend yourself.
Mistrust: Worrying that listening will make you vulnerable.
Denial: Seeing yourself as the victim and not at fault.
Entitlement: Expecting others to behave the way you want.
Control: Wanting to keep the other person in a lower position.
Power: Enjoying intimidating or controlling the other person.
Competition: Believing one person must win and the other must lose.
Revenge: Feeling justified in punishing the other person.
Problem-solving: Focusing on solving the problem rather than listening.
Hidden Agendas: Not wanting to get close or connect with the other person.
Podcast: Dr Vivek Murthy Revealing conversation www.drchatterjee.com/114
Five ways to listen better
The power of listening
Book: Happy Mind Happy Life Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022
Ten Rules for Listening
-ONE - be non-judgemental
-TWO - be curious
-THREE -practice true empathy:
Not “I know how you are feeling” but “I dont know how you are feeling, but I am here for you”
-FOUR -take time to really listen;
Don't just think about the next thing you are going to say.
-FIVE -show them you are listening with your body language - posture, tone of voice, eye contact, not being distracted by your phone.
-SIX -Dont Try to predict where the conversation will go next.
-SEVEN - embrace silence
-EIGHT -repeat back what they are saying in your own language (words)
-NINE -dont try to fix them or rush in to tell them what you would do.
Instead, try asking: “How did that feel for you?” and then actively listen without interruption.
-TEN -have no attachment to the outcome of the conversation.
Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Grief
17. The pillars of strength Listening Topic
Summary:
We can rebuild a life after bereavement with time, work and persistence.
Create new ways you can feel close to your loved one with a special place or memorial.
Listen to your needs as much as you can along the way.
There is no correct way to express your grief.
Drop any expectations about how much time you should spend grieving.
18. Dealing with criticism and disapproval Go To: Authors Opinion Criticism Topic
Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024
Key Points: AI Summary
Empathy:
Find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems unreasonable or unfair.
Put yourself in their shoes and see the world from their perspective.
Paraphrase their words to show understanding.
Acknowledge their feelings based on what they said.
Ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about their thoughts and feelings.
Assertiveness:
Express your own ideas and feelings directly and tactfully.
Use "I feel" statements (e.g., "I feel upset") instead of "you" statements (e.g., "You're wrong!").
Respect:
Show respect, even if you are frustrated or angry.
Find something genuinely positive to say, even during a conflict.
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Updated: November 2023
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