Feelings & emotions 2

Jealousy

Being judgemental?

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

**Jealousy in a relationship could result from an uneasy or judgemental feeling about someone or something. **

It can be based only on thoughts and not necessarily real facts.

Being jealous means feeling envious or resentful towards someone due to their possessions, achievements, or qualities.

Being judgmental means forming negative opinions about others without knowing the full story.

Both can be harmful and prevent us from appreciating others and ourselves.

https://bigjakeconnects.org/topic/home-improvement

Your Toolbox

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Dealing with Your Own Jealousy:

Positive Self-Talk and Clear Thinking: Use affirmations and logical thoughts to calm yourself.

Recognize Irrational Beliefs: Stop looking for signs or clues of unfaithfulness.

Healthy Communication: Talk about your feelings only if you don't expect your partner to change their behavior for you.

Avoid Controlling Behavior: Understand that trying to control your partner will push them away.

Build Trust: Realize that without trust, the relationship can't work.

Self-Improvement: Work on your own safety, trust, skills, and self-worth.

Personal Responsibility: Accept that the jealousy is your issue and take steps to address it.

Dealing with Your Partner’s Jealousy:

Acknowledge Limitations: Recognize you can't change their beliefs for them.

Communicate Assertively: Point out how their jealousy is negatively affecting the relationship.

Empathy and Boundaries: Be caring but don’t let their emotions control you.

Maintain Your Social Life: Don’t isolate yourself from others because of their jealousy.

Set Early Limits: Establish boundaries early in the relationship.

Preserve Your Freedoms: Don’t give up freedoms that are normal in healthy relationships.

Avoid Convincing: Understand they need to realize their jealousy is misplaced on their own.

Build Trust: Remember that a relationship without trust is not sustainable.

Podcast & Youtube Links

Podcast: Life story of John McAvoy

www.drchatterjee.com/91

Conversation with Peter Crone

www.drchatterjee.com/petercrone

Author's Opinion 1

Book: Happy Life Happy Mind - Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

Humans can be incredibly judgemental about others. In most cases the root cause is a feeling of inadequacy and not feeling good enough in ourselves.

On other occasions it comes from jealousy, which itself comes from a fear of not being truly lovable for who we are. We make ourselves feel better by looking down on others.

Holding onto judgment of others keeps that version of them alive in your mind and this will slowly burn away your inner happiness like acid.

-Is this way I feel about that other person really true?

-Why is this situation really bothering me?

-How would I feel if I chose a different perspective?

-What is stopping me from making them a hero (not an enemy) and choosing a story that empowers me rather than enslaves me?

Author's Opinion 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Understanding Jealousy:

Definition: Jealousy is an insecure and angry feeling caused by fear that someone you care about likes or is liked by someone else.

Causes: It often stems from feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Jealous people seek validation from others to feel better about themselves.

Misconception: Jealousy is not a measure of love but an unfounded fear that someone we care about will leave us for someone else.

**Effects on Behavior:

Accusations and Control: Jealous individuals may accuse their partner, try to control their social life, and demand explanations for their actions.

Withdrawal: This behavior causes the partner to feel untrusted and to withdraw emotionally.

Self-Fulfilling Cycle: As the partner withdraws, the jealous person becomes more convinced of their fears, finding "evidence" to support their beliefs, which perpetuates the cycle.

Consequences:

Escalation: The cycle of jealousy grows because it originates from the jealous person's thoughts, not actual events.

Relationship Breakdown: Ultimately, the partner is likely to leave the relationship.

Trust vs. Jealousy: Trust strengthens a relationship, while jealousy destroys it.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Stopping Jealousy:

Stop Jealous Behavior:

Cease acting in jealous ways to break the cycle and encourage your partner to stop withdrawing.

Change Your Thinking:

Trust your partner. Although there are no guarantees, trust makes it more likely they won't fall out of love.

Jealousy vs. Betrayal:

Jealousy:

Based on insecurity and fear without real evidence. Stems from unfounded feelings.

Betrayal:

Breaking of trust and must be addressed.

Requires understanding the betrayal, discussing the fallout, and dealing with potential loss and grief.

Key Points:

Don’t Be Controlled by Jealousy:

You can't force someone to love you through jealousy.

Understanding Jealousy:

Jealousy is anxiety-based, stemming from fear of losing someone.

It leads to misinterpreting innocent behavior and increases insecurity and anxiety.

Destructive Nature of Jealousy:

Jealousy feeds on itself, leading to finding false "clues" to justify beliefs.

Imagining betrayal can ironically cause the relationship to fall apart because of the lack of trust.

Beliefs Leading to Jealousy:

Believing You Should Be the Most Important Person:

Feeling that no one should be more important than you.

Believing Someone Else is More Important:

Feeling insecure and undervalued.

Fear of Abandonment:

Believing you are not important and will be abandoned.

Bottom Line:

Trust is essential in relationships. Jealousy destroys trust and, therefore, relationships.

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Updated: November 2023

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