Taking Action

Defensiveness

Body language!

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

"Defensiveness" is often an unconscious reaction.

Maybe similar to putting up your hands when feeling attacked.

It's important to notice your body language, like crossing arms or tightening your jaw or hands, that will indicate going into a defensive mode.

Taking action by trying to stay open and listen is not easy.

Being more self aware and managing your emotional health will help build better understanding and communication.

It's about being receptive to feedback, learning, and improving without getting defensive, that leads to more positive sustainable change.

Your Toolbox

If DEFENSIVENESS is victimizing yourself to ward off a percieved attack and reverse the blame,

then the way to stop this is by talking responsability

Accept your partner's perspective and offer an apology for any wrongdoing.

Podcast & Youtube Links

How to get less defensive in relationships

Cultivating collaboration

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Adapted from Dr. Gottmann 2000

**Defensiveness is a fighting back response. **

The person refuses to "hear" anything the other person is saying.

Unfortunately, defensiveness keeps partners from taking responsability for the problems and escalates negative communication.

Even if your partner is criticizing you, defensiveness is not the way to go. It will only fuel a bad exchange.

Defensive people never say "Maybe you're right" or "I see your point.

The antidote to defensiveness is to try to hear your partner's complaint and to take responsability for the problem.

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Updated: November 2023

Related Topics

Contempt

Criticism

Responsibility

Stonewalling

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