Coping

Criticism

Accusations or abuse?

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

"Being critical" in a relationship means consistently finding fault or accusing each other.

If this criticism feels like abuse or even abuse in disguise—where it's harmful and demeaning—it's crucial to recognize it and take action to cahnge.

Emotional abuse, even if subtle, is very harmful. It's similar to physical abuse, except the bruises are inside of us.

Identifying the different forms of abuse allows you to set boundaries, seek support, and ensure a healthy relationship where both partners feel respected and valued.

Your Toolbox 1

If CRITICISM is verbally attacking a personality or character,

then the way to stop this is by talking about your feelings using the "I" statements and express a positive need.

Continuum of abuse - there is non, abuse is abuse!

Your Toolbox 2

**Types of abuse; **

Power and control wheel:

-physical

-emotional

-social

-financial

-intelectual

-using children

-cultural

-male privilege

-verbal

-sexual

-pets and property

-spiritual

Author's Opinion 1

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Abuse: Power & Control

Abuse:

Any behavior used to harm, frighten, control, manipulate, or humiliate someone.

Violence:

Forcing your will on someone in a way that denies their dignity.

Relationship Abuse:

Controlling, coercive, or threatening behavior to control a partner.

Types of Abuse:

Emotional Abuse:

Actions that undermine someone's emotional well-being.

Intellectual Abuse:

Making someone doubt their intelligence.

Financial Abuse:

Depriving someone of financial security or control.

Pets and Property Abuse:

Hurting pets or damaging property to intimidate or control.

Male Privilege Abuse:

Using gender to exert power over females.

Psychological/Mental Abuse:

Undermining someone's mental well-being.

Physical Threat/Physical Abuse:

Unwanted physical contact or threats.

Verbal Abuse:

Using words, volume, or tone to threaten or belittle.

Sexual Abuse:

Unwanted sexual behavior or words.

Spiritual Abuse:

Damaging someone's spiritual or inner well-being.

Using Children:

Involving children in abusive behavior.

Social Abuse:

Isolating someone from support or controlling their social interactions.

Cultural Abuse:

Using cultural ideas to dominate someone.

Author's Opinion 2

Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Self -doubt

18. Dealing with criticism and disapproval - Criticism Topic

Summary:

Learning the skills to deal with criticism and disapproval in a healthy way is a crucial life skill.

We are built to care what others think of us, so telling ourselves that we don't care is not the answer.

People -pleasing is more than just being nice to people. It is the persistent placing of others wants or needs above your own, even to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing.

Understanding why some people are highly critical helps.

Nurturing your own self-worth and resilience to shame is both possible and potentially life-altering.

18. The key to building confidence Go To: Authors Opinion - Courage Topic

Book: Happy Life Happy Mind - Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

Humans can be incredibly judgemental about others.

In most cases the root cause is a feeling of inadequacy and not feeling good enough in ourselves.

On other occasions it comes from jealousy, which itself comes from a fear of not being truly lovable for who we are.

We make ourselves feel better by looking down on others.

Holding onto judgment of others keeps that version of them alive in your mind and this will slowly burn away your inner happiness like acid.

-Is this way I feel about that other person really true?

-Why is this situation really bothering me?

-How would I feel if I chose a different perspective?

-What is stopping me from making them a hero (not an enemy) and choosing a story that empowers me rather than enslaves me?

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Adapted from Dr. Gottmann 2000

Criticizing your partner suggests there's something wrong with them.

Using phrases like "you always" or "you never" is common in criticism.

This makes your partner feel attacked and they will likely respond defensively.

This pattern is harmful because it prevents both people from feeling heard.

Complaints that attack the person, like "you're so thoughtless" or "you never clean up," are examples of criticism.

Antidote to Criticism:

Focus on the specific action, not the person.

Explain how their action made you feel, rather than attacking them.

Your Opinion Matters
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Updated: November 2023

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