Conflict

Conflict management

After the fight..

Your opinion matters
Your opinion matters
Web Wisdom

When you have a big argument with someone, things can get heated and intense.

After the argument, it's helpful to take some time to think about what was said and how you both felt.

Writing down your thoughts can help you see what you agreed on and what you disagreed about.

This makes it easier to talk when you're both calmer.

By reflecting on the argument, you can better understand each other's point of view and learn from the experience.

It also helps you find better ways to communicate the next time something similar happens.

130

Your Toolbox

Guide to Handling Past Fights:

What is Processing?

Processing means talking about a past argument calmly, like watching a play from far away. The goal is to understand each other better without re-fighting.

Before You Start:

Wait until both of you are calm. Focus on understanding each other, not just the facts. Remember, everyone has their own point of view, and all viewpoints are important.

Common Issues and Solutions:

Criticism: Try starting the conversation gently to avoid making it worse.

Defensiveness: Own up to your part in the argument.

Contempt: Show respect and appreciation for each other.

Stonewalling: Calm yourself down before responding.

This guide helps you talk through conflicts and understand each other better, making future discussions easier.

Podcast & Youtube Links

The gift of conflict

How to argue with your partner

PeaceBuilders Opinion 1

After a big argument, it's important to stay calm and talk things through. First, wait until both people have cooled down. Then, try to understand each other’s feelings instead of just focusing on who’s right. Remember, everyone sees things differently, so both sides are important.

If you’ve said something hurtful, own up to it and apologize. Show respect and appreciation, and try not to get defensive or shut down completely. Take responsibility for your part of the fight.

It’s also good to focus on how to improve things next time. By being calm, respectful, and honest, you can learn from the fight and grow the relationship stronger, making future conflicts easier to handle.

130

Author's Opinion 1

Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023

Emotional tactics that can cause relational stress:

Guilt- tripping: Making statements that are accusatory, judgemental or shaming

Gaslighting: False narratives used to induce confusion and alter a person's reality about a situation

The silent treatment: Refusing to communicate with a person or acknowledge their presence, even when you live with them.

Emotional blackmail: Using a person's emotions to weaponize a situation or pressuring you to be compliant when you resist their demands.

Disguised hostility: Hatred and aggressiveness being expressed under the guise of friendliness or humor

Humiliation: Purposefully talking down to, making insensitive jokes, or speaking poorly about someone to their face or publicly to others.

Author's Opinion 2

*Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Fair Fighting Rules:

Know Your Feelings: Before starting a discussion, understand why you're upset.

Stick to One Issue: Focus on one topic at a time to avoid confusion.

Avoid Hurtful Language: Don’t use degrading or insulting words.

Use Words to Express Feelings: Talk about how you feel with clear language.

Take Turns Speaking: Let each person have a chance to talk without interrupting.

No Stonewalling: Don’t shut down or refuse to communicate.

No Yelling: Keep your voice calm and respectful.

Take Breaks if Needed: If things get too heated, take a time-out to cool down.

Aim for Compromise: Work towards a solution or understanding that works for both sides.

Author's Opinion 3

*Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Guidelines for Working Through Conflict:

Conflict is Normal: Conflict happens in all relationships. It’s how you handle it that matters.

Fair Fighting: Make sure both people are ready to talk about the issue. If one isn’t ready, wait until both can engage respectfully.

Stay Focused: Deal with current issues without bringing up past problems. Stick to one topic at a time.

Keep it Safe: Avoid using personal information as ammunition or making hurtful comments. Keep the discussion respectful.

No Winning: The goal is not to "win" but to find a solution that works for both. Winning creates losers and resentment.

Use Time-Outs Wisely: If needed, take a break to calm down but don’t use it to avoid the issue. Return to resolve the conflict.

Avoid Power Phrases: Steer clear of phrases that blame or criticize harshly, like “You always” or “It’s your fault.”

Respect Emotions: Understand that crying is a natural reaction to strong emotions. Respect each other’s feelings.

Keep Caring: Ensure that the relationship remains intact. Do not act in ways that you’ll regret later.

Recognize Both Sides: Make sure both people’s perspectives and feelings are heard and valued. Use empathy to understand each other.

Ensure Safety: Avoid any form of violence or threats. This breaks all rules and can have serious consequences.

By following these guidelines, you can manage conflicts in a healthy way that strengthens rather than damages your relationship.

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Updated: November 2023

Related Topics

Contempt

Criticism

Defensiveness

Stonewalling

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