Communication :: PeaceBuilders Network

Communication

Builds connection

Your opinion matters

Love

Web Wisdom

Conversation is about communication and talking or confiding in someone about things that interest, matter or important to you.

It is about feeling connected.

Feeling heard, feeling acknowledged for who you are, a human being with needs, wants and opinions.

This is often called, to be validated, and a process of caring from the heart.

A genuine depth of gratitude, empathy and compassion for yourself and for others.

To give and receive from each other words that are kind, respectful and not judgemental.

Words that lift each other up and bring lightness and happiness into your life, even though life circumstances or events might be challenging.

Your Toolbox 1

Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Communication Skills:

Respect: Treating others with consideration and honor.

Empathy: Understanding and sharing the feelings of others.

Caring: Showing kindness and concern for others.

Listening: Paying attention and actively hearing what others say.

Paraphrasing: Restating what someone has said to show understanding.

Perception Checking: Clarifying to ensure you understand the other person correctly.

Behavior Description: Describing specific actions without judgment.

'I' Messages: Expressing your feelings and needs without blaming others.

Communication Styles:

Passive Communication: Avoiding expressing your thoughts and feelings, often leading to being overlooked.

Assertive Communication: Confidently expressing your thoughts and feelings while respecting others.

Aggressive Communication: Dominating and disrespecting others, often leading to conflict.

Your Toolbox 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Five Things to Consider Before You Speak:

Is It True?

My Truth: Is it true for me?

Scientific Truth: Is it factually accurate?

Her Truth: Is it true for the other person?

Emotional Truth: Is it how I or the other person feels?

Our Truth: Is it true for both of us in our relationship?

Is It Useful?

For Both: Is it important for both of us to know?

For Her: Is it specifically important for her to know?

Is It Timely?

Now or Later: Is now the best time to say it?

Calmer Moments: Should I wait until things are calmer?

Private Time: Should I wait until the children are not around?

Is It Wise?

Motive: What is my reason for saying this?

To prove a point?

To increase understanding?

To justify my actions?

Is It Coming from My Resourced “I”?

Self-Awareness: Am I aware of all the considerations above?

Values: Does it reflect my values?

Impact: Did I consider the impact before speaking?

Motto: “Engage brain before mouth.”

Think before you speak, especially in complicated relationships.

Podcast & Youtube Links

Podcast: Dr Vivek Murthy Get to know yourself www.drchatterjee.com/114

How miscommunication happens and how to avoid it

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy84OGE5MDA4Yy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw/episode/Y2E2NTc1NzAtMDEwNS00ZDU0LTllYTQtYThkZTZhZDllZjM5?sa=X&ved=0CAgQuIEEahcKEwjQl_2d2tKEAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQRA

Author's Opinion 1

Book: Happy Mind Happy Life Dr Rangan Chatterjee 2022

No one fully listens until you’re connected. By connecting you create space for empathy.

In her wonderful book Reclaiming Conversation: The power to talk in a digital age, Sherry Turkle writes that “empathy is not merely about giving someone information or helping them find a support group.

It is about convincing another person that you are there for the duration. Empathy means staying long enough for someone to believe that you want to know how they feel, not that you want to tell them what to do in their circumstances.

Empathy requires time and emotional discipline”.

When you are listening fully, and being truly empathetic, you become humbled.

You often realize that. Actually, you don't know how the other person is feeling.

This is why it is crucial to be attentive, patient and caring.

**Understand that being vulnerable is your superpower. And don't be afraid. **

Make time for regular catch-ups with people you feel close to and people who will hear and see you.

Be someone else’s miracle by creating a safe space for others to take off their “masks” with you.

**Taking off our masks is about trust, connection and love. **

Something powerful happens when we are properly listened to and valued.

Author's Opinion 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Good Communication:

Importance: Essential for healthy relationships.

Clarify and Speak Openly: Ask for clarification if unsure and communicate honestly to avoid misunderstandings.

Express Feelings: Don’t bottle up feelings out of fear; it's important to share them.

Take Your Time: If you need time to think, let your partner know. A supportive partner will respect this.

Use Humor Wisely: Humor can enhance communication but should never be hurtful or used to make a point.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Key Points: AI Summary

Verbal Communication:

Useful Speaking Behaviors:

Be Clear and Concise: Make sure your messages are easy to understand.

Avoid Mixed Messages: Be consistent in what you say.

Speak Respectfully: Use a normal tone and speak to others as you want to be spoken to.

Ensure Understanding: Check with the listener to confirm they understand you.

Use "I" Messages: Express your own feelings and needs without blaming others.

Avoid Blaming/Shaming Language: Don’t make the listener feel guilty or ashamed.

"I" Messages:

When to Use: Especially useful in disagreements or emotional situations.

Purpose: Helps others understand your thoughts, feelings, and needs without blame.

Respect: Shows respect for both yourself and the other person.

Examples of "I" Messages:

Instead of "You" Messages:

"You make me so mad" ➔ "I feel so frustrated today"

"You are lazy" ➔ "I got so angry when I saw the mess in the kitchen"

"You never listen to me" ➔ "I feel frustrated when my suggestions aren't heard"

"You" Messages:

Negative Effects:

Tells people what to do and manipulates them with guilt or blame.

Causes defensiveness and makes others responsible for your feelings.

Remember:

Some "You" statements can be positive, e.g., "You are very kind."

Some "I" statements can be negative, e.g., "I hate you."

Respectful, caring communication is key to building better relationships.

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Updated: November 2023